How much would you pay for a cold cup of lemonade on a smoldering, hot summer's day?
Because I am at the point right now where I may start going to busy, congested street corners and offer favors to people in exhange for money. No, not those kind of favors. But, I can be the guy people turn to if they need a task or an errand performed. You call a gardner if you need your yard fixed, you call a maid if you need your house cleaned---people should call me if they need anything else done.
Exam week is happening right now and, while I'm not currently enrolled in school, I can tell based on the statuses posted by people on my facebook page that it is causing students a great deal of stress and anxiety. Those all-nighters and 15000 word essays aren't good for a college student's sanity. And Red Bull is awfully expensive. So is Day-Quil and coffee. Consider this, college students of America, instead of feeling like your life sucks because you have to study and write papers all the time, and instead of spending all of that money on over-priced energy drinks and other caffeine-heavy beverages, wouldn't it be nice to not have such a work overload? Wouldn't it be nice to spend money on something that would help you more than sugary drinks and pills?
I'm not doing anything right now. I don't have a job. I don't go to school again until next semester. This is where my 'offering-people-favors-for-money' part comes in. Why not pay someone a small hourly fee to do all of this college stuff for you? Of course, I can't take your tests for you, you're on a one-man boat paddling up a waterfall on that one. However, I can write your papers for you and write them exquisitely. You will be guaranteed to make no worse than a B.
I've written papers for people in the past. Don't believe me? Just ask Marty Van Der Schmidt from Lyman.
Marty: Dustin really did a good job writing my paper on the solar system.
Marty made the highest grade in his fifth grade class. The teacher even said that he wrote on a college level. Wow! If that's not customer satisfaction, I don't know what it is.
Need a paper written, call me and we will discuss rates.
My services do not just extend to schoolwork either. Anything you need help with that you are too lazy to do yourself, I can help out with. Yardwork. Walking the dog. Taking care of your grandma. Killing an ex-boyfriend. If you need it done, I will do it!
When you call, be sure to ask about my work-out program too. A lot of people really want to work out but are simply too lazy to do it or lack the motivation. I can get you motivated. For a small fee, I will come to your house and chase you around the neighborhood with a lustful look on my face. You work out. I get paid. I also get a work out. It's a win-win-win all the way around.
What are you waiting for? Call today!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Job Hunt: Day 15 or 16...I lost count
Monster.com
Careerbuilder.com
jobs.com
How many more job-finding services must I submit my resume to before I actually find a job? This is ridiculous. When I first began my job hunt, I only clicked the "apply now" button when the jobs actually seemed fitting or idealistic, after 2 weeks of desperate searching, I have now began frantically clicking the "apply now" button to almost every single job available.
I type in my zip code and when the list of available jobs appear, I click every one and apply. It can't hurt can it? Today, I applied for a job as a school janitor and a Spanish translater. It would be interesting if human resources from the latter job called me, considering the extent of my Spanish is hola and gracias.
Even so, these job services sites do make applying for jobs a lot simpler and less time-consuming. You can simply click a button and submit your resume. That's good. Especially considering the aggravation encountered when I apply online to various businesses, such as Costco or Lowe's.
These applications appear convenient. You can sit naked in your computer chair if you wish and apply for jobs, whereas you would have to dress presentably if you were to apply in person. Also, I would much rather type out information with a keyboard than use a pen and paper . However, the problem with these advanced, technologically innovative online applications is the redundancies. The first thing an applicant is asked to do is provide the basic information: name, address, phone number, social security number, email address, date of birth. Yet later on in the application, the applicant is consistently asked: Are you 18 years or older? and What is your date of birth? This doesnt happen once. When I applied for Lowe's, I was asked my date of birth 3 times! Three! Is this a test to check my memory or are the employers to inept to understand the day, month and year I was born the first two times they asked?
Also, along with the redundancies, the applicant will also face boring, overly-long, common-sense questionnaires. And these are not voluntary. If you apply for a job in person, you would not have to fill these out until you are called back in to do so ---a second step in the hiring process, if you will. However, online applications make you take a questionnaire which the website ensures will only take you 45-50 minutes. Really? In that time I could drive to Lowe's, fill out a paper application, buy the boss dinner and display my knowledge of hardware by building a treehouse. These tasks would put me in much better shape of getting hired than answering the question: Do you like people? It's these questions, plus scenario-based questions, that are really annoying.
I started to apply to the Marriot last week. I filled out all of the personal information, my past job information, my school information, my reference information and then clicked submit only for a window to pop up telling me I had to complete a brief 45 question survey. The Marriot needs to seriously evaluate the meaning of the word "brief". The thing with this questionnaire that was extremely bothersome was that, while scenario-based, it also made me put down what I would least likely do as well as what I would most likely do given the situation described. This makes the 45 questions seem like 90! I answered 10 questions then clicked the tiny X in the top right corner of my internet browser. Goodbye, Marriot-job-opportunity.
Job-hunting is a pain. And despite this long blog, my birthday is still and will always be 10/30/86.
Careerbuilder.com
jobs.com
How many more job-finding services must I submit my resume to before I actually find a job? This is ridiculous. When I first began my job hunt, I only clicked the "apply now" button when the jobs actually seemed fitting or idealistic, after 2 weeks of desperate searching, I have now began frantically clicking the "apply now" button to almost every single job available.
I type in my zip code and when the list of available jobs appear, I click every one and apply. It can't hurt can it? Today, I applied for a job as a school janitor and a Spanish translater. It would be interesting if human resources from the latter job called me, considering the extent of my Spanish is hola and gracias.
Even so, these job services sites do make applying for jobs a lot simpler and less time-consuming. You can simply click a button and submit your resume. That's good. Especially considering the aggravation encountered when I apply online to various businesses, such as Costco or Lowe's.
These applications appear convenient. You can sit naked in your computer chair if you wish and apply for jobs, whereas you would have to dress presentably if you were to apply in person. Also, I would much rather type out information with a keyboard than use a pen and paper . However, the problem with these advanced, technologically innovative online applications is the redundancies. The first thing an applicant is asked to do is provide the basic information: name, address, phone number, social security number, email address, date of birth. Yet later on in the application, the applicant is consistently asked: Are you 18 years or older? and What is your date of birth? This doesnt happen once. When I applied for Lowe's, I was asked my date of birth 3 times! Three! Is this a test to check my memory or are the employers to inept to understand the day, month and year I was born the first two times they asked?
Also, along with the redundancies, the applicant will also face boring, overly-long, common-sense questionnaires. And these are not voluntary. If you apply for a job in person, you would not have to fill these out until you are called back in to do so ---a second step in the hiring process, if you will. However, online applications make you take a questionnaire which the website ensures will only take you 45-50 minutes. Really? In that time I could drive to Lowe's, fill out a paper application, buy the boss dinner and display my knowledge of hardware by building a treehouse. These tasks would put me in much better shape of getting hired than answering the question: Do you like people? It's these questions, plus scenario-based questions, that are really annoying.
I started to apply to the Marriot last week. I filled out all of the personal information, my past job information, my school information, my reference information and then clicked submit only for a window to pop up telling me I had to complete a brief 45 question survey. The Marriot needs to seriously evaluate the meaning of the word "brief". The thing with this questionnaire that was extremely bothersome was that, while scenario-based, it also made me put down what I would least likely do as well as what I would most likely do given the situation described. This makes the 45 questions seem like 90! I answered 10 questions then clicked the tiny X in the top right corner of my internet browser. Goodbye, Marriot-job-opportunity.
Job-hunting is a pain. And despite this long blog, my birthday is still and will always be 10/30/86.
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